When You Disagree

Three Rules for Taming Social Media Rage

I’ve got my convictions, understandings, and ideas, just like you. They sometimes differ from yours. Sometimes even significantly. What do we do then?

In our social media world, there are some initial reactions.

• I can point fingers and tell someone how wrong (and stupid) they are.

• I can block them and tell other people to block them too (cancel culture).

• I can exaggerate their wrong idea, connect them with distasteful people (you’re just like…), and kill the straw man I’ve created.

• I can yell louder when they yell back.

• I can try to ignore them and just forget it.

Can I confess to you that I’ve done all of those things over the years? And do you know what kind of positive changes have resulted from any of those actions? You know. These actions are nothing but throwing gas on the fire. The problem with these actions is that the person you are addressing is left with a bad taste for interacting with someone who treats them that way.

Worse, if you claim to be a Christian, the recipient of your invectives is left with a bad taste for Christianity or even Jesus. That’s a real problem. If two Christians are yelling at one another on social media for all the world to see, that display of brotherly rejection is a signal that others may not be welcomed either. Again, not good.

So, imagine I see something I disagree with. It goes against my convictions. Maybe it’s some worldly person being critical of Christianity or maybe it’s a Christian who has taken a different track than me. I may be convinced they have completely gone off the path. If I have a personal connection with them, then a personal contact is in order. But in this social media world, I’m in touch with a lot of people I do not know personally.

I have three rules for engaging in social media - especially on topics that are sensitive - and especially with fellow Christians.

It’s never wrong to be kind.

I don’t know why we feel that we have to unleash armageddon upon someone who expresses something with which we disagree. We can try to yell, intimidate, accuse, and otherwise verbally defeat another person if we want to, but I think the results are going to be poor. This is the bane of the social internet. I have known people who were delightful to visit with in person, but online were ferocious bears! If someone treats me with respect and kindness, even if they are correcting me or attempting to show me something I am missing, I’m going to be much more open. Once the communication turns into personal attacks and barbs…I’m through. It is a demonstration of the Spirit’s work in my life when I can manage to be kind.

Always leave the door open.

That person with whom you disagree may truly be wrong. They may even be engaged in sinful behavior and encouraging others to do the same. We may feel justified in giving them a blistering attack, but when we do, the door closes. No longer will that person desire to talk to you about what is going on in their life. Say the situation changes, they begin to re-think, and they start looking for someone whom they can trust to talk with. Do you think the first person they talk to will be the one who all but cursed and damned them to hell? Or will it be the person who continues to treat them with respect and kindness despite the disagreement? You can close the door and feel that you stood up for the truth. But maybe all you did was irritate someone to the point that you have no more influence with them. On a day when their world crashes in, did you leave the door open for them to find their way to safety?

Don’t forget to look in the mirror.

Maybe being kind and leaving the door open is difficult, but this one is more. While I’m being a keyboard warrior for the kingdom pointing at someone else, what am I failing to address in my own heart? The truth is we could all yell at each other and be correct. But what is being accomplished? I have more than enough work to do for myself. I can’t ignore that to be constantly pointing to the problems of other people.

Jesus is the Model.

Jesus is the model for all of these behaviors. How did he address adulterous women and winebibbers and greedy people and thieves? There’s your answer. He was surprisingly kind and he left the door open for future decisions to be made. When he looked in the mirror he saw a sinless Savior. But even from the perspective of being sinless, he did not see the need to pounce on the next sinner who came down the path. He was a little rough on the Pharisees, true. But there were a couple of differences there. Even if I want to pronounce woes on religious people that I think have it wrong, I can’t do so from a perfect position. Jesus can.

Hear Jesus speak to some people who have wandered down some rugged paths:

• “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.”

• “Sell all that you have and distribute to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.”

• “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you, ‘Give me a drink,’ you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water.”

• “Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in paradise.”

• “Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace, and be healed of your disease.”

• “Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.” Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. “I am willing…”

Three rules. I’ve broken them all, but I try to remember and live by them. I share them with you in hopes of finding more peaceful discussions and ultimately more people finding entryway into the joy of the kingdom. God bless.