Almost everything I have read that Henri Nouwen wrote is impactful to me. I recently read two books of his that relate to death, dying, and caring for the dying. These are not feel-good reads, but one thing is true. Death pertains to us all. In his book, Our Greatest Gift: A Meditation on Dying and Caring, Nouwen gives wise perspective and hope as we encounter death with both our loved ones and ourselves.
In writing about dying, Nouwen is not glorifying death in a positive sense. In other words, he is not encouraging suicide or reckless living. What is hs doing is trying to point us away from the fear of dying to see that there are ways that God is at work even in our departure. His application of that is that when we are conscious of our own temporary place here on this earth, we can have a deeper perspective on caring for those who are dying.
Dying is the most general human event, something we all have to do. But do we do it well? Is our death more than an unavoidable fate that we simply wish would not be? Can it somehow become an act of fulfillment, perhaps more human than any other human act?
Nouwen draws together thoughts that I had not considered when it comes to the ‘most general human event’. For one, it is a uniting force for humanity. Every person will die and this can remind us that in spite of all of our many differences, we do have this one thing in common. Further, we all die in poverty because we can take nothing with us. Nouwen is leading our thinking toward an idea with these reflections.
The real question before our death, then, is not, How much can I still accomplish, or How much influence can I still exert? but, How can I live so that I can continue to be fruitful when I am no longer here among my family and friends? That question shifts our attention from doing to being. Our doing brings success, but our being bears fruit.
The end of our life on earth is not the end of our influence. Your life matters because it continues to bear fruit in the lives of those left behind.
To befriend death, we must claim that we are children of God, sisters and brothers of all people, and parents of generations yet to come. In so doing, we liberate our death from its absurdity and make it the gateway to a new life.
At this point Nouwen shifts to the caregiving we can offer to the dying when we have come to terms with our own temporary status on the earth. He is especially focused on the disabled, having lived among them for periods of time. I’ve never read anyone who had the same high regard for the disabled that Nouwen does. He sees in those who struggle the purest love for others.
To care for others as they become weaker and closer to death is to allow them to fulfill their deepest vocation, that of becoming ever-more fully what they already are: daughters and sons of God. … To care is to stand by a dying person and to be a living reminder that the person is indeed the beloved child of God.
Nouwen offers some personal stories, including some reflections on the death of his father. What I liked about this short book was an admission that death awaits us all, a perspective of faith and hope (instead of fear), and a reminder that ministering to the dying is an act of grace. He also admits that none of us will do this perfectly.
As the father of the epileptic boy, who asked Jesus to heal his child, we will always have to say, “I believe. Help my unbelief” (Mark 9:25). Still, when we keep our eyes fixed on the risen Lord, we may find not only that love is stronger than death, but also that our faith is stronger than our skepticism.
While reading about death and dying is probably not on your top list of books, it is something that pertains to us all. And that makes it important. I highly recommend spending some time with this book. It reminds us that hope remains.
Caring for the Dying by Henri Nouwen
In my to-read stack (no promises as to which is next!)
Six Thinking Hats by Edward De Bono
Run Rose Run by Dolly Parton and James Patterson
Broken Signposts by N. T. Wright
Room of Marvels by James Bryan Smith
Books I’ve Started and Want to Finish
Life and Leadership by Bob Turner
Deeper Places: Experiencing God in the Psalms by Matthew W. Jacoby
Death at Paradise Palms by Steph Broadrib
“How can I live so that I can continue to be fruitful when I am no longer here among my family and friends?” That’s a great quote. Very challenging for our (my) individualistic, single-generational mindset!
This posts brings to mind that "Memento Mori" is a starting point and not the end. What will you do with that realization is the more important question that Nouwen raises. I have always enjoyed his work but I have not read these. Thank you for bringing them to my awareness.