Note: My father died from Alzheimer’s Disease in December 2018. My precious mother-in-law also suffered from dementia. And like many families, that’s just the beginning of noting those we have known and loved who suffered the loss of memory and the subsequent consequences of mental decline into darkness. A few weeks ago I heard Scott Elliott’s sermon called Dementia and the God Who Remembers. I asked him to share it because I thought it contained such a needful message. I’m grateful he has. If you would like to hear the audio of that sermon, you can do so HERE. Thanks, Scott, for gently gracing us with some encouragement and comfort for such a difficult subject. - John
My grandfather, Bob Parker, was born on July 5th 1929 in Tahlequah, OK. His mother abandoned him and he spent the first few years of his life in an orphanage near Tulsa, OK. When he was five years old, his grandmother went to the orphanage and got him and took him home and she is the one who raised him even though both of his parents were still alive.
He graduated high school and enlisted in the military and went to fight in Korea, that forgotten war. After returning home, he met my grandmother and he became a Christian and that was his life. He was the exact opposite of his parents. His parents abandoned him and devoted their lives to drinking and gambling. My grandfather was a saint. He was fully devoted to Christ. He wanted to talk about Jesus and the Bible all the time even though his friends often wanted to talk about other things.
I was their first grandchild. When I came along, my grandfather was already an elder in the church. I was raised in the church because that was my grandfather’s life and that was my family’s life. We were there every time the doors were open, Sunday morning, Sunday evening, Wednesday evening, Gospel meetings, VBS, work days, and whatever else was happening at the church. The church was our family.
My grandfather was a student of the Bible. You would go to his house and his dining room table would be covered in books. You would see stacks of papers with handwritten notes scribbled everywhere. He knew his Bible and it wasn’t just a mental exercise for him, he lived it out. He prayed the most heartfelt prayers. He had a deep meaningful relationship with God.
As he got older, we began to notice changes. He began to forget things that he should have known. His short-term memory was deteriorating. As it progressed, things got worse. My grandfather was a postal worker and so he was used to walking. He would go for a walk and not come back. We wouldn’t know where he was. We would sometimes find him in a different neighborhood. He never forgot his loved ones but he forgot enough that he was out of touch with reality. My grandfather suffered from dementia, as many people do.
6.5 million people in America are living with Alzheimer’s or dementia. 1 in 3 seniors will die with Alzheimer’s or dementia. This touches the lives of almost everyone. Nearly everyone has known a family member or friend with dementia.
It is a terrible terrible disease. It can lead to depression and anxiety for the person who realizes their memory is slipping away. It is often more difficult on spouses and caregivers. They may have to deal with their loved one not knowing who they are. They have to care for someone who may become easily frustrated and exhibit childlike tendencies. It is mentally draining and for many there is little or no relief.
Why is this something the church needs to talk about?
There are multiple reasons why. Ever since Rene Descartes famously said “I think therefore I am”, we in the West have seen ourselves as thinking things. Our identity is wrapped up in what we think and believe. We exist because we think. (For more on this see You Are What You Love by James K. A. Smith)
What happens when all of this goes away?
Are we still a person? Do we still have value? Mary L. Vanden Berg writes,
“Dementia and its accompanying symptoms come with unique cultural and societal challenges, not the least of which is convincing Western culture that persons with dementia have inherent worth. Persons with dementia do not tick any of the cultural boxes that would grant them power or even personhood. They are often old, they are weak, they are dependent. Western culture values productivity, independence, self-sufficiency, and power…Dementia…represents the loss of these key cultural values and therefore presents a fundamental threat to what is most important to us.”
- Mary L. Vanden Berg, Dementia as Living Death and Defeated Enemy
Dementia presents an ethical dilemma for people living in a modern secular culture. What constitutes a person? How should we see and care for such persons? We have witnessed similar scenarios play out in our times. When people begin to challenge the personhood of a baby in the womb, it becomes ok to kill that child. Many people who reason this way. There are modern secular cultures who reason that when a person reaches a certain age and they begin to lose their mental capabilities, it is ok to kill them. Euthanasia is legal in some countries.
How we define a person matters. What we value in persons and how we ascribe worth to them matters. Our culture values productivity and independence but people with dementia do not check these boxes. How are we to see them then if they are not productive members of society?
Scripture defines people differently. Scripture says that every individual is created in the image of God and therefore every person has worth. Our worth is not dependent on our gender, race, status in society, or even our mental capacity.
Not only do we all have this inherent worth because we are image bearers of God, but we are taught to value weakness. The world values power and strength but we are to be different. We read in 2 Corinthians 12:9 that God’s power is made perfect in weakness. In 1 Corinthians 12, we are told specifically how we are to view and treat those who seem, by worldly standards, to be weaker.
“As it is, there are many parts, yet one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, ‘I have no need of you’” nor again the head to the feet, ‘I have no need of you.’ On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor, and our unpresentable parts are treated with greater modesty, which our more presentable parts do not require. But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.”
1 Corinthians 12:20-26
“The parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable.”
This should be framed and hung in every church building. We do not see as the world sees. We do not retire members of a certain age. We do not ignore children who may seem to have little or nothing to offer. We do not usher people who have lost their mental capabilities out the door. We need these individuals. Jesus tells all of us that we are to become like little children. Mary L. Vanden Berg explains why people with dementia are important members of the church community and why we need them in worship.
“To eliminate the person with dementia from our worship diminishes the glory of weakness that God showed us in the cross, and is in some way also made present to us through these people. The cultural story of independence, self-sufficiency, and self-creation is a myth. We are neither independent nor self-sufficient. Our very lives are completely dependent on the mercy of God. Sitting next to someone with dementia reminds us of this and opens all of us to what John Swinton calls ‘the prophetic witness of weakness.’”
- Mary L. Vanden Berg, Dementia as Living Death and Defeated Enemy
Sitting next to the person with dementia may be a more important word than anything the preacher says on Sunday morning. We live in a culture that values independence and self-sufficiency. We see ourselves as independent and self-sufficient. The person with dementia reminds us that it is all a lie. We are utterly dependent on God. Without God we are nothing. We are also dependent on the community of believers. We need one another. This is a message we need to hear over and over again.
With the exception of the very beginning of the story of Scripture, the lifespan of people in Biblical times was not very long. We may think because of this that Scripture does not have much to say about this phenomenon that has become more prevalent as human lifespans have been extended. The truth is there is wisdom in Scripture for all things of life if we are willing to look.
The book of Leviticus is a book that in many ways seems foreign to us. It was written long ago and set in a context that is as different from the times we live in as one can get. We often try to understand it and explain it through our modern notions of health and science. We read the laws concerning skin diseases and think this shows God’s wisdom concerning hygiene and preventing the spread of illnesses. There is truth to this, but is this all there is in these passages? Ancient people were more apt to read these passages theologically. They would see that not only is God keeping them safe but he is also sending them a message.
What was the message concerning skin diseases?
It was that this disease was a living death and therefore belonged outside the camp. Death was introduced by sin. It was not a part of God’s original creation. Death is the enemy. Jacob Milgrom comments,
“The main place for understanding the place of saraat [skin disease] in the impurity system is the fact that it is an aspect of death: its bearer is treated like a corpse.” - Jacob Milgrom, Leviticus 1-16
Skin diseases in ancient times reminded people of the reality of death. It is not a stretch to see some similarities in how skin diseases are described in Scripture and dementia. Family members who have had loved ones with dementia often describe it as experiencing two deaths. There is the death of losing your loved one as you knew them. There is the death of them forgetting who you are and all the memories you shared, and then there is the actual death. Dementia is a living death. It is something that God never intended. It is a result of the fall.
What we must be careful of is not to treat people with dementia as people with skin diseases were treated in ancient times. There is a temptation to do this because our modern world does not want to be reminded of death. In a secular world, there is no life beyond death and so death is avoided at all costs. People don’t want to be in the presence of someone who reminds them of their own mortality.
When dealing with dementia, we need to remember how Jesus approached those with skin diseases and what he did for them. Jesus touched them. He healed them. He made them clean. Jesus was victorious over death. He conquered death. We are followers of Jesus who place our hope in the resurrection. We do not have to fear death or those who are dying because we follow a risen Savior.
We do not put people with dementia outside the camp. We do not say to them “There is no place here for you.” We do not avoid them or pretend they do not exist. We do as Jesus did. We welcome them. We embrace them. We accept them as an important part of who we are as the body of Christ. We acknowledge they are dealing with the fallenness of this world, as we all are, but we also acknowledge that Jesus has overcome the world and he has overcome death. There is victory in Jesus.
We must remember that death does not have the final word. It does not have the final word whether it is a living death we are experiencing right now or whether it is actual death. Jesus is greater than death.
To lose our memory is a frightening thing. We spend years learning and developing skills. We amass knowledge through reading and learning. We store up memories of people we love and things we have done. What happens when our mental capacity begins to fade? Does Scripture have anything to say about this?
Yes, it does.
The God we serve is the God who remembers. God remembers individuals. He remembers Abraham. He remembers Rachel. God remembers his covenant. He remembers the covenant he made with Noah and he left us a sign of his remembrance that we still have to this day. He remembers his people. In Psalm 106, God remembers his people even though they were disobedient.
“Then the anger of the Lord was kindled against his people,
and he abhorred his heritage;
he gave them into the hand of the nations,
so that those who hated them ruled over them.
Their enemies oppressed them,
and they were brought into subjection under their power.
Many times he delivered them,
but they were rebellious in their purposes
and were brought low through their iniquity.
Nevertheless, he looked upon their distress,
when he heard their cry.
For their sake he remembered his covenant,
and relented according to the abundance of his steadfast love.”Psalm 106:40-45
What about those who can no longer remember? What about our friends and loved ones who suffer from Alzheimers or dementia? When they can no longer remember, God remembers for them, just as he has done for people of faith for years and years. When they can no longer remember, God remembers the covenant he has with them, a covenant they entered into when they were baptized. We don’t have to worry about the salvation of Christians who lose their mental capabilities because God remembers.
We embrace weakness because it presents an opportunity for God to work among us. We embrace weakness because it is a reminder that we are all in need of God. We are not saved because we are special or because we have done something grand. We are saved by the grace and mercy of God. The more that we lean on him in this lifetime, the better prepared we are for the life to come.
Sometimes, we, as human beings, struggle when people we know get dementia. They do not act as they once acted and we do not share the memories we once shared. We don’t always know what to do or say, so sometimes, unintentionally, we treat people with dementia as lepers. We avoid them. We don’t speak to them. We don’t do this on purpose. We are just at a loss as to what to do.
Here is what we can do. We can be like God. We can remember. Jesus redeems living death and we are to do our best to imitate this. We don’t have the ability to heal the person with dementia, but we can be their memory when it falters. Tell stories. Talk about times past. Remember for them.
Often, one of the last things that goes from our memories are the songs we have sung and the prayers we have memorized. If someone is struggling with dementia, go and sit with them and read the 23rd Psalm. Pray the Lord’s Prayer. Sing some of the old beloved hymns. You will be surprised by what they remember.
This is one of the last pictures I took with my grandfather. Less than a year later, I would be traveling to Oklahoma to preach his funeral. Much of his memory was gone. You can see the look on my grandmother’s face. I am sure she is wondering “What is he going to do next?”
We were very blessed. I say that because my grandfather was full of joy until the end. His joy grew and he became more jovial. He never forgot how to pray. He used to pray the most beautiful prayers and he could still do so up until the very end. What we give ourselves to in life matters. My grandfather gave himself to Christ and he had the joy of Christ and that relationship with his Savior until he died.
I understand that sometimes Alzheimer’s can attack parts of the brain and people will say and do things they would never say or do in their right mind, but, for most of us, we grow into what we are giving ourselves to. If we are angry all the time, we will grow to be more angry. If we are bitter all the time, we will grow to be more bitter. If we are upset or discontent all the time, we will grow to be more upset and more discontent. But, if we give ourselves to Christ, if we follow his ways, if we embrace the life he wants us to share in him, we will become more Christlike. We will experience the joy of Christ even when if our minds begins to fade. I know because I have seen it.
God is good. He remembers even when we cannot remember. We need to cling to this, but we also need to consider what we are giving ourselves to. Is it Christ and his ways or is it something else?
It matters. It really really does.
Scott Elliott’s Blog is Resurrected Living. He is a minister for the La Grange Church of Christ, La Grange, TX.
Also Check Out…
Golden Nuggets - Truthful Tips for Dementia Caregivers
Even Dementia is Not Dark to God - Cynthia Fischer
Dementia as a Religious Problem - David Smith
Thanks for reading. In the comments, if you’d like to mention a loved one who has/had dementia, and say something in honor of them, feel free.